Learning to accept changes to your body

Time and time again I hear the words “I’d love to come and work with you but only when I’ve lost X stone”. We live in a society which generally presents a slim, hourglass figure as the way to be valued.

But the truth is that few of us naturally have that shape and as we reach peri menopause, any waistline that we may have once had is usually taken away from us too. What this societal pressure does is tell us that if we are not this shape and size that we are somehow NOT as worthy as the person who is that shape and size. 

Because we feel we are not worthy, we spend less time, money and effort on ourselves. We hide in dark, shapeless clothes and tell ourselves that we’ll start to dress better once we’ve reached our weight goal.

But the truth is if you’re in a space where you’re unhappy with your body, this is actually THE time to invest in yourself. 

This is the time to increase your compassion for yourself.

This is the time to see yourself through more loving and accepting eyes.

Your body deserves peace and compassion. 

And that involves consciously directing kindness to yourself, however tricky you may find it. 

So what can you do? Here are my 3 top tips to get you started;

1/ Instead of wishing for something different with your body, thank your body for something it does well. Instead of hating something, find another part of your body you actually like (I love my white streaks) and focus on how to highlight this.

2/ Instead of spiralling into a social media funk, unfollow anything that’s unhelpful to you. If what you see sparks negative feelings about yourself, please think about deleting or unfollowing. Then replace with body neutral or health-at-every-size bloggers.

3/ Stop punishing yourself by wearing clothes that are too tight or similarly too baggy. Get yourself a few ‘new to you’ pieces that make you feel good. Don’t take a blind bit of notice of the size tag and instead make your decision based on how it makes you feel when you’ve got it on.

Remember that self-compassion is a habit. That negative self-talk you’ve been perfecting over the years has simply become the way you operate. It’s become your first and only reaction.

So we need to break those old habits and create new ones. Change can be tricky (the brain can be a proper pain to re-wire) but with practice it becomes easier and easier and before you know it, compassion instead of criticism will become your new habit.

Hope this helps x

Why do we still go shopping when we know it's trashing the planet?

I want to share some of the outputs from Alec Leach’s latest pocket guide called ‘The world is on fire but we’re still buying shoes’. It’s really a roadmap to a better relationship with fashion.

I whizzed through it and really connected to what he was saying. We know fashion is terrible for the planet but we still can’t resist going out to shop.

So let’s start with WHY we shop? Alex said that he thinks there’s five key reasons why most of us love to shop which are:

• Escapism

• Belonging

• Novelty

• Stimulation and

• Status

Escapism - when we shop we are imagining the best versions of ourselves so when we’re in the changing room trying on that dress we often wonder if this going to be the piece that gives us the look that we’ve yearned for of all our life. But it’s also escapism because shopping is just a distractionary tactic. While we are shopping, we’re not actually tackling our problems head on, we’re just delaying dealing with them.

Belonging – like it or loathe it, our clothes do silently talk on our behalf. They connect or separate us from groups of people. Plus the psychology behind the creation of trends and ‘must have’ pieces are purely there to play with our fears. They’re there to make us feel like if we don’t have them, we are going to fall behind and somehow not fit in. Remember how everyone moved into skinny jeans but then once skinny jeans were “out” everyone had a meltdown over what to wear because they didn’t want to be seen to be wearing the “wrong” jeans?

Novelty – There’s simply a part of us that just loves new stuff. We want to believe that it’s going to make our lives better forever but it really doesn’t and the hit of buying that new piece is generally quick to wear off.

Stimulation – The dopamine hit is a very real when you buy something new plus the purchasing process is so easy these days for us to consume. You can buy something with a fee clicks and you don’t even have to pay immediately so we often get pulled into buying things we don’t actually want and overconsume.

Status - The fashion industry is so clever at using individuals with high status to sell to those of us who don’t have the same status. We think that somehow by wearing what they wear, we too will earn the recognition or the lifestyle that those people enjoy. Logos are an easy way to turn ordinary items into status symbols. Think of the interlocking Gs on the Gucci bags and belts or the Cs on Chanel products. We want to wear things that are special and are seen as valuable because WE want to feel special.

So, often we buy clothes for the wrong reasons. We are seeking the kind of satisfaction that clothes cannot actually give us (although we are always suckered into thinking that they can).

And what makes me most sad in all of this is that we are trashing our planet but we are not even buying the things that make us truly happy in the process.

So what can we do? I’ll create a more detailed separate post but really it’s more about moving to a more intentional mindset and buying fewer, less impulsive buys from sellers you actually share values with.

Plus once you start to look into the psychology of shopping, you view your habits in a whole other light!

Do you connect to the reasons above or do you shop for other reasons?

You can buy Alec’s book here and I thoroughly recommend it if you’re keen to understand how fashion keeps us going back for more and what you can do about it!

Need new shoes but want it to be a safe shopping experience?

Do you need new shoes for summer but don’t fancy heading into the city centre or a big shopping mall? Or perhaps your children’s feet have grown and you haven’t a clue what size to order online?

If you can travel to either Clifton Village or Portishead then the independent shoe shop Solelution have the answer for you.

They are operating a very slick appointment system so it’s a personal shopping experience for shoes! I cannot tell you how much effort and thought has gone into making sure that both customers and shop workers remain safe. 

Everyone will need to apply hand sanitiser before entering the shop, the numbers are strictly limited and your shoes will be fitted from behind a protective screen.

So if you’re nervous about it, I can assure you that absolutely everything has been put in place to ensure a slick and safe shoe shopping experience (I won’t be able to say that after a few glasses of rosé!)

They have a great range of quality shoes in stock including brands such as Lunar that have been made right here in the UK.

For more information or to book your appointment please visit www.soleution.co.uk or check out their Facebook page.

From punctured paddling pools to beautiful bags!

Have you got a punctured paddling pool lurking in the garage that you don’t really want to throw into landfill?

If so, the lovely folks at Wyatt & Jack can provide you with a pre paid postage label to send to them as part of their inflatable amnesty project.

They accept broken bouncy castles and inflatables too which they then turn into really cool, colourful bags. I absolutely love what this company are doing so please check them out.

Just think of all that plastic being saved from landfill and turned into something beautiful!

What to wear for an online meeting in less than 3 minutes

If video conferencing is now part of your everyday life, here are 5 quick and easy tips on how to elevate your look in under 3 minutes.

Firstly, add a jacket or blazer. It brings a sense of professionalism to the meeting as well as giving great structure to your shoulders. It’s the quickest way to dress up a simple T-shirt and no-one will know you’re still in your PJs or wearing leggings on your bottom half!

Secondly, add some jewellery. It doesn’t have to be anything overly flashy or big statement pieces - in fact, these can actually be distracting - so stick with simple designs such as layered necklaces, classic hoops or timeless pearls. Adding jewellery says that you’ve actually thought about your outfit and provides a polished, finishing touch.

Thirdly, a little bit of make up goes a long way. A touch of lipstick adds a little colour to your face but avoid shades which are too dark or bright as they can look distorted online. A swipe of lipgloss gives your lips a healthy, hydrated look and a dab of blusher gives dimension to your skin.

Idea number four is to look for tops or clothes which have detail in the top third or which have interesting necklines. Pretty collars, embroidery details, different textures and scalloped edges all work well on screen and provide a good focal point.

Lastly, think about wearing your favourite colour. It’s easy to reach for the neutrals but a pop of colour creates interest amidst a screen of faces.

I’ve also found that sitting in good, natural light (in my case near a window) works well and if all else fails, there’s one more tip I can share. If you’re using Zoom, in the bottom right hand corner click on the ‘settings’ button. Then click the ‘meetings’ button and scroll down until you find the option ‘touch up my appearance’. Toggle this to ‘on’ and hey presto, a subtle filter will be added which softens your whole look.

Have fun and please let me know if any of these worked well for you x

7 simple tasks to tackle during lockdown

Well this is all very surreal isn't it? Last week I just wasn't able to focus on anything other than getting the children through some kind of home-schooling! This week, I'm in a better frame of mind and have started to tackle some of the things on my very long to do list. So, if you're ready to start using this time positively, here's 7 clothes related ideas for you, all of which can be done in 30 minutes or less.

1/ De-pill your pullovers

A lot of women tell me that when their clothes start to pill, they either stop wearing it as they feel a bit scruffy, or it gets demoted to 'home clothes'. However, it's a problem that is easily fixed. All you need is either a debobbler (I have a Remington Fuzz Away that's as old as the hills) or a simple razor. Both will do the job of removing all the little bobbles from your clothes, and breathe new life into your items. My top tip would be to go gently though as vigorous de-fuzzing or shaving can lead to holes. With the debobbler, I work in small circles and with the razor I make short, downward movements. It's surprisingly satisfying…

2/ Straighten up your scarves

I admit I have way too many scarves but can't bring myself to thin out the collection. Therefore, I need a storage solution which can take lots of scarves, but is also easy to access. This towel rail from Ikea does the job perfectly as well as adding colour and texture to my room. You can sort them in colour order if you like, or maybe just enjoy a colour clash. I tie them over the rail by folding each scarf in half, looping the folded end over the rail and then pulling the loose ends through the loop. I also love this simple clothes peg idea from Pinterest.

3/ Rectify those repair jobs

I know you have a pile of clothes hidden somewhere that needs attention, be it a missing button, a little rip or a hem that needs restitching. Now is the time to crack on with it. Just do one little job at a time and then revel in the feel good factor of loving your clothes so that they last longer. If you feel you don't have the right skills, there are so many great tutorials online, including some great ideas here

4/ Sort your sock drawer

If the thought of decluttering your entire wardrobe is overwhelming, just take one little area at a time. ‘Start with your sock drawer’ is in fact is the title of a great little book on decluttering by Vicky Silverthorn and is a very sensible place to begin your decluttering journey. If you do one little section every day, it's much easier and more enjoyable than thinking you have to do everything in one almighty session.

5/ Shine your shoes (and boots)

I put my hands up here and say I'm not really the best at regularly cleaning my footwear. But, it is so important to look after what we have so dig out the polish, cloths and protector sprays. Give everything a good clean or brush down and then treat appropriately for the material. As we're now moving into our spring wardrobes, it may be time to put the boots away and dig out your lighter weight footwear.

6/ Enhance your earrings 

It can be tricky rummaging around in jewellery boxes trying to find the perfect pair, so why not display your earrings, or your other jewellery so you can easily see what you have. I use various display stands but you can also make your own out of cork boards, lace and even oven racks!

7/ Buff your bags

In the same way that our footwear needs a little TLC, so do our bags. Empty them of all the old receipts and used tissues that are lurking at the bottom and then wipe down the outside. If the bag is leather, you can always use a nourishing cream to keep it nice and supple too.

So there you have it. 7 quick and relatively easy ideas to take back a bit of control, feel more organised and help you look put together every day.